25 January 2011 ~ 6 Comments

To Sleep Perchance to Sleep Some More or How to Sleep and Still Wake up Tired

Today, I’m writing a poem about tiredness. As many of you know from my recent article, I recently went off the birth control pill (after being on it for 15 years), which really tends to throw your hormones out of whack, causing symptoms such as temporary exhaustion and it can take between three and six months to get them balanced again. I haven’t felt this tired in a while, but this also takes me back to my struggle at the beginning of my diagnosis and how horribly tough and frustrating it was. At the time, I was also fighting off Epstein-Barr virus. I don’t think I ever gave up hope, but until you’ve been to that dark place of despair – as those reading this with a chronic illness assuredly have – you can’t even comprehend how people can get tired out by the slightest activity. I didn’t have the energy to eat much, let alone prepare food and reading became almost impossible as I found myself reading the same sentence time and again without really taking it in. However, I know I’m not alone and I know that for many (and hopefully the majority of us) this too can and will pass.

Tiredness is the current dragging me underwater
Tiredness is when my body doesn’t feel like it ought to
Regardless of how much I sleep, it really doesn’t matter
My sleep account’s getting fatter and fatter

Sleep is the thirst-quenching water of the oasis
I feel helpless and my mind is in stasis
The tiniest effort tires me out
Makes me want to scream and shout
“Why can’t I be normal again?”
It’s not a matter of why, but a matter of when

I never gave up hope
Clinging on to memories of before
Life had changed so suddenly
My body was at war
My brain was fuzzy
And my limbs were sore

Now I listen to my body
And what it’s trying to tell me
No more shame in needing rest
Because sometimes it’s for the best

It’s possible to get well
Though sometimes the process will take you through hell
And how long it’ll take
Only time will tell

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