Devastation of Cancer, by Dianna Y Bailey (pen name Yvette)

Today, I’m publishing a poem by my talented friend Dianna Bailey. I asked Dianna to write a bit about her background with chronic illness and how she came to this point. She feels she is still searching for her purpose in life, but believes that it is to help others get through things and understand them better by passing on what she learns through her research. No doubt about it, from getting to know Dianna through her posts in various Facebook forums, I can attest to the fact that she is both knowledgeable, proactive and caring, but here’s what she has to say about herself …

I was born in Pennsylvania but have lived in Virginia since 1972. I’m a single mom who is very creative and I enjoy activities such as belly dancing, sewing, gardening, music, crafts, etc. In 2001, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was given a lumpectomy and radiation. This was followed in 2006 by a diagnosis with invasive breast cancer in the same breast at which time I got a second lumpectomy with radiation therapy AND chemotherapy. In 2010, I was diagnosed with invasive cancer in the other breast and got yet another lumpectomy and radiation.

On May 9 2010, I experienced a turning point as my daughter, who is vegetarian and very much into leading a natural lifestyle, convinced me to go gluten-free because I was losing energy from radiation treatments. I was amazed that I gained so much energy and so were my doctors. I also lost joint pain, fogginess, nasal congestion, and more. I searched for a local gluten-free support group and found one. Cindy, the leader, had just had surgery for thyroid cancer. When she described her symptoms of Hashimoto’s, I realized I had most of the symptoms and went to my primary care doctor to demand more thorough testing. That is when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in March of 2011 and met many people in the same situation by searching for Hashimoto’s support on Facebook.

Diana’s poem includes what NOT to say when you don’t know what to say to someone with cancer. As she puts it: “I’ve had so many people not know what to say and blurt out the people they knew who died while I was trying to survive! Then I started telling people who would start to tell me about someone they know who also has cancer: ‘If it doesn’t have a happy ending, I don’t want to hear it please.’ Then they would change what they were going to say.”

Dianna asks that you please keep her name with this poem if you share it, but of course this applies to all writing on Butterflies & Phoenixes, as you can see from the Creative Commons conditions at the bottom of each page.

 

Cancer made me feel alone

Nothing else could set this tone

The news that hits; an icy blast

The devastation that tends to last

 

The news of which I can’t prepare

The scattered thoughts that linger there

Confused and overwhelming fear

Is the end of life too near?

 

I search and search for answered prayer

I need God to really care

The wonder of what will I lose

What medical options should I choose?

 

I browse through the Internet

And find more than I care to get

The increased fear and info search

The contact of supportive Church

 

God works through people I am told

I ponder on this thought I hold

The mixed emotions I endure

Are doctors soon to find a cure?

 

I pray, I cry, I want to shout

“Why me, God?” As feelings doubt

My faith is tested as I hope

To find the strength of how to cope

 

My purpose here I want to live

My own existence of what I give

The friends who know not what to say

And many others who back away

 

Good intentions but words said wrong

Of someone attempting all along

To make it better but their words fail

With lack of knowledge of what to tell

 

“I once knew someone with cancer, too

They died, of course, but not that you

Will also meet that same fate

Medical advances are up-to-date”

 

I know they meant to say it right

But words failed, somehow, to make it light

“I need you just to be with me

And spend some time and you will see

 

No words need said if you don’t know

The words to say or how to show

Compassion, companionship will do

That’s what I need right now from you

 

And all the prayers, I welcome, too

And sharing just a part of you

Just to know that someone cares

Enough to include me in their prayers

 

Support through treatments, and to say

We just got through another day

I’ll have bad days, and some good

Just share your time, please, if you would”

 

“God, be with me everyday

Help loneliness and fear to go away

Please help doctors a cure to find

Support from friends and Peace of Mind”.